"Do you want to grab a coffee Aoiphe?"

I swung around hoping it was Basil but it was Fat Barry.

"Oh hi", I said, "You're in here a lot lately aren't you?"

"Well honey, I have like loads of cds to donate. I'm working through downloading them and then bringing them in here as I go".

Snoresville.

"I see you're i-podding it. Whatchya checkin oot?"

"Em, Girls Aloud" I said without thinking.

"Awesome. I totally LURVE that song the Arctic Monkeys covered. What was it- Love Machine?"

"I prefer the original"

Awkward silence.

"Who did you vote for Aoiphers?"

"PDs"

"Man, you crack me up you're so funny".

Yet again, I don't know how I managed to do that. I love the PDs. When I started out in PR I met Michael McDowell. He told me I'd go far, which I found touching, considering I was dressed as a courgette.

"So, hows about that coffee?"

"Not Starbucks"

"No way Jose. Basil told me all about how they're screwing Ethiopian farmers. Exceptionally not cool".

So I had to go for coffee with him. I decided to use this opportunity to play up Mapi.

"...and she's so great and she likes cool music and she'll never ruin an outing by not being able to walk as she wears very sensible shoes and she brings back totally amazing chocolate from Belgium and she can help you with any French translation you need..."

He looked slightly confused.

"Do you want to come to a gig with me, Aoiphers?"

"Em, I'm busy helping my dad with stuff at the moment so might have to pull out at the last moment".

He seemed quite sad then so I suggested that maybe we could go with Basil and Mapi. He brightened up a bit. Why am I so hot? I could maybe lay off on the fake tan for a while and not get my roots done but it wouldn't be worth looking like a total dog just to unattract Barry.

Maybe I could ask Nools and Milsean too. The more women in the equation the more distracted he'd be and I could go back to working on getting Basil up the aisle.

He shall be mine, oh yes, he shall be mine...

"What a mess" said Nools.
"I know, I mean she's only like the coolest chick around and they're like putting her in prison for totally no reason" I agreed.

"Aoiphe, I'm talking about Barry fancying you, not Paris Hilton going to jail" Nools snapped, grabbing Now Magazine from me.

"Oh yeah", I said, remembering that he is a red blooded male after all, "what's a girl to do?"

Nools was not impressed. "You need to focus his attentions on Mapi. Maybe encourage her to shave her legs and stuff". This was radical coming from big old feminist Nools. She was right though.

"Ooh! I know!" I said "I could arrange to go to a gig with both of them and then not show up, leaving them with each other".

As I ran down the road I could just about hear Nools shouting after me that I wasn't twelve. Whatever.

I skidded in the door and ran up to where Mapi was sorting cds.

"Hey Maps, wanna go to a gig?"

I wasn't sure if it was the "Maps" or the request to hang out that freaked her out the most but she raised one eyebrow and said "Absolutely not".

This was probably a good thing as I had no idea what I was going to say next anyway.

Back to the drawing board.

So lately Basil's been talking about all these totally obscure bands and stuff and it's wrecking my head trying to figure out who they all are. "Aoiphe, I didn't realise you were into NME" he said the other day. "Yeah, I just can't wait to em, download The Crimea's new album for free. It's a musical revolution and stuff, making quality sounds more accessible" I recited. Little did he know I had my handbag sized May edition of Glamour inside the grubby music paper.

"So what's the point of that?" he asked

"Well, they're going to make a profit from touring and merchandise" piped in Mapi. That infernal Belgian! She's always out to totally wreck my buzz.

"They'll sell t-shirts!" I shouted. Basil and Mapi looked at me like I was smearing jam on my face and carried on talking about podcasts or something lame.

The next thing Fat Barry walked in. "Greetings and salutations my fine people. I trust we're rocking in the free world on this glorious day". He put his frisbee on the counter.

"Do you want a game?" I asked. Saying this was like having an outer body experience. I don't know where the words came from but I had to make the first move towards becoming his friend.

"Ex- queeze me? You play frisbee, Aoiphers?"

"I love frisbee", I lied, "and swingball".

"Swingball!" he snorted. He broke down laughing. "Swingball Bazzo, did you hear that? Hilarious."

Basil started laughing and I joined in, looking at Mapi, triumphantly.

So, whatever the joke was, I was in. We went to Stephen's Green at lunchtime to play Frisbee, leaving Mapi behind because she wasn't funny enough.

Thank goodness I'd French manicured my toes the night before as I had to go barefoot to play. I was hoping Basil would find it endearing. I jumped and dived and when I got grass stains on my white DKNY jacket I just laughed it off. I was cool, I was frisbeeing, I was hilarious, I was exhausted.

Walking back to the shop Basil got a phonecall so Barry and I got talking. He seemed to find everything I said very amusing, especially the fact that I've named my shitzu after Enrique Iglesias. He seemed quite intellectual so I said that I was thinking of going back to college at night to do a higher certloma to compliment my diplocert. He said if he had a certloma he'd see an optician. I didn't get that but laughed along with him. For all his sarcasm, I did like his hearty laugh.

We got to the shop and I realised that I had to go back to my dad's office to pick up his post as he was off sick with his back. I said goodbye and headed off.

Later that evening I got a text from Basil.

"I think Barry really likes u"...