So I was there on my bed rubbing Deep Heat into my legs when Martina knocks on the door. I'm like "What?!" and she's all "I just thought you'd like a cup of tea dear, after your weekend of rocking out". I thought if I didn't reply she'd go away but she goes "I'll just leave it out here. And I gave a bit of a wash to those wellies you left on the kitchen table".

She's SUCH an interfering old witch. I mean, I go to Oxegen for one day with my friends and she's acting like I've just come back from the Himalayas. I'm not telling anyone about the Deep Heat. The next thing my phone goes. I put Arcade Fire on it to impress Basil but at home I change it back to the new Enrique song. I'm going to have to be on impressive potential girlfriend duty all the time once we move in together though.

"What is it, Nools?" I say, thinking it must be important for her to ring me during Big Brother.

"Nothing really. Just seeing how you are after the weekend. What did you think of the bands? I saw you filing your nails during The Killers..."

"Listen Nools, I really don't have time for this. Ziggy's just dumped Chantelle".

I was about to hang up when she went "Wait Aoiphe, I have to talk to you about something."

"Go on" I said nervously, thinking she's like so got a bun in the oven.

"Well, you know the way you're moving in with the guys...Are you sure it's the right thing to do?"

"What do you mean?" I said, flabbergasted, "I've bought loads of stuff. I've been running it all by them. I think Basil really likes the rose themed crockery I picked up in Avoca and tomorrow I'm totally going to get that mounted print of the black man holding the white baby and..."

"Look" she interrupted, "You'll have to be on guard 24/7. You won't be able to relax and put on a face mask or cut your toenails in front of the tv" (she must have heard the clipping sound).

"I'll have my own room Nools?!" I reminded her.

"Yeah...but...well, did you not notice the way they were being weird around you yesterday?"

"NO" I said.

"Aoiphe, did they actually ask you to move in? They might just want it to be just them, or boys only. I mean..."

I hung up. Nools was dead to me. How dare she say those things? I turned off the tv and got under the duvet. I'd need all the sleep I could get as me and Basil had loads of work to do on Oxjam the next day. I was going to wear in my new Killers t-shirt especially.