"Do you want to grab a coffee Aoiphe?"

I swung around hoping it was Basil but it was Fat Barry.

"Oh hi", I said, "You're in here a lot lately aren't you?"

"Well honey, I have like loads of cds to donate. I'm working through downloading them and then bringing them in here as I go".

Snoresville.

"I see you're i-podding it. Whatchya checkin oot?"

"Em, Girls Aloud" I said without thinking.

"Awesome. I totally LURVE that song the Arctic Monkeys covered. What was it- Love Machine?"

"I prefer the original"

Awkward silence.

"Who did you vote for Aoiphers?"

"PDs"

"Man, you crack me up you're so funny".

Yet again, I don't know how I managed to do that. I love the PDs. When I started out in PR I met Michael McDowell. He told me I'd go far, which I found touching, considering I was dressed as a courgette.

"So, hows about that coffee?"

"Not Starbucks"

"No way Jose. Basil told me all about how they're screwing Ethiopian farmers. Exceptionally not cool".

So I had to go for coffee with him. I decided to use this opportunity to play up Mapi.

"...and she's so great and she likes cool music and she'll never ruin an outing by not being able to walk as she wears very sensible shoes and she brings back totally amazing chocolate from Belgium and she can help you with any French translation you need..."

He looked slightly confused.

"Do you want to come to a gig with me, Aoiphers?"

"Em, I'm busy helping my dad with stuff at the moment so might have to pull out at the last moment".

He seemed quite sad then so I suggested that maybe we could go with Basil and Mapi. He brightened up a bit. Why am I so hot? I could maybe lay off on the fake tan for a while and not get my roots done but it wouldn't be worth looking like a total dog just to unattract Barry.

Maybe I could ask Nools and Milsean too. The more women in the equation the more distracted he'd be and I could go back to working on getting Basil up the aisle.

He shall be mine, oh yes, he shall be mine...