So the next day I arrived in a bit late because I was getting my bikini line waxed and the salon were all "Em, we don't open before nine" and I'm all "Em, then can you tell me how I'm supposed to get my dairylea tidied up for a big photoshoot at ten?!" Unbelievable. So they took me as the first appointment but the original first appointment showed up and spent ten minutes complaining and I was like "Em, you're probably just going to Lanzarote on Saturday. I need to have this done for a charity fashion shoot" and she got annoyed because she totally was just going to Lanzarote. The cheek of some people. Making me late would be practically like stealing from a charity.

So I got in just after ten to be greeted by an horrendous sight. Mapi was posing for the photographer and she had the Jimmy Choo shoe! Like, OHMAGOD! I would have kicked up an unholy row but Basil was there and he thinks I'm a lady so I politely interrupted and asked Mapi if I could have a word with her in the back. She was like "No" so I emphasised it was important and gestured at my face and she totally thought she had something gross stuck on her nose. As she was examining herself in the bathroom mirror I caught her eye and demanded to know what was going on with the shoe. She played innocent and said she loved shoes and would definitely buy them if she came in off the street. I just looked down at her clogs and raised one eyebrow. She went to go back and I grabbed the shoe. She hung on to it and before I knew it we were on the floor fighting tooth and nail.

"That..shoe..was..my..prop..." I wheezed. She was hissing something in French. To cut a long story short, Dermo the photographer (I'm pretty sure he used to be in Fair City) had to come in and separate us. I asked him not to tell Basil as I patted my hair down. "Yiz can both pose with the shoe, rye?" he said. I felt like Joanie in America's Next Top Model Cycle 6 when Sara totally copied her pose on the elephant.

Basil left while we were in the bathroom but arrived back just as Dermo was getting me into position. "How many frames are we working with here?" I asked. Dermo just looked at me like I'd asked who Aslan were. Whatever. I gave it my all and he took one photo and said Head Office should be in touch with the results soon. It shouldn't take long to spot the winner - it's the ridey one with the chocolate brown hair who made the best use of her left hand side profile. And slipped the photographer twenty quid to touch it up.